Miraculously, the Blog is Not Defunct Yet!

Apropos of nothing: I have just conducted a one-subject, one-person poll and have come to the whole-hearted conclusion that Sunday is worse than Monday. Does anyone else feel this way? Sundays all I do is lament the coming of Monday. All the thinking about the approaching work week really gets in the way of me enjoying the second and final day of the weekend. Sunday is such a waste for me. I think I need a perspective-shift. Has anyone come up with good coping mechanisms for a case of the Sundays? (Patently worse as an affliction than the infamous "Mondays".)

And now back to more relevant topics. Namely, why won't anyone go to Disneyland with me? This is a question to which I already know the answer, and I'm really going to blow it for myself by broadcasting it here, but I consider it sort of a public service to let people in on a little something I like to call:

REASON #27* YOU SHOULD RETHINK LETTING SOMEONE GET YOU PREGNANT

And here it is: Due to (malicious, possibly ill-conceived) liability concerns, Disney warns that pregnant women should not enjoy the vast majority of their excellent rides because the experience may imperil the unborn baby and/or mother. For those of you who don't know, I am a big Disneyland fan. One day, earlier in the pregnancy (approx 12 weeks along), I decided that I was going to pay a visit to the "Happiest Place on Earth". Once there, I discovered that there are indeed certain rides that are perfectly safe for pregnant people. And then I discovered that Disney is on a mission to punish women for being pregnant by reducing their choice of attractions to an abysmal little array that includes such wastes of time as Storybook Land, It's a Small World, The Tiki Room**, Snow White, The Dumbo Ride and Honey I Shrunk the Audience**.

* Denotes a number from an imaginary list. I am willing to take your suggestions to compile the list.

** Denotes an attraction that may not be characterized as a ride, but that you still have to wait in line for. Behind other suckers. Suckers with kids. And pregnant suckers.

Have any of you been on Storybook Land recently? I thought I had a pretty unconditional love for Disneyland, but then I sat in slow-moving rowboat, floating past miniature versions of the houses where Disney characters supposedly live. Every passenger in the boat knew that there was no way that the actual characters could fit in those houses. The kids were bored, I was bored and the lederhosened "cast member" guiding the excursion was boredest of all. She HATED the whole trip. I didn't blame her. You could just HEAR people enjoying other rides in the distance. Right over the crest of Aladdin's teeny, unrealistic palace, people were squealing with delight, possibly sustaining permanent whiplash damage on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad.

So the answer--which i now realize could have been provided in a single sentence or less--is that no one will go to Disneyland with me because being there with a pregnant person basically turns a theme park into the DMV. A garden of perpetual sadness, with lines.

Topic#2:

My Mom's Birthday was Saturday and Why that is Disturbingly Relevant

I was conceived on my mom's birthday. TMI? I thought so too.

Also...fascinating because it's my firm understanding that my mother has never had sex.

Nevertheless...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM! I LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVE NECTARINES THESE DAYS: MORE THAN IS PROBABLY HEALTHY FOR AN ADULT.

My mom is the main reason that I decided to have the baby at home. (We are! We are having the baby in a birthing tub that we are going to set up in the car port.) She's a doula and a childbirth educator and my whole life, she never once told me anything about birth that would scare me. I feel really lucky about it. As a child you overhear war stories from kids and in the media about childbirth and how it epitomizes the depths of pain and misery. When I would hear stuff like that and go home ask my mom if it was true, she would say, "It's just like running a marathon. You get more tired than anything." And when I would ask, as lots of normal little girls do, about what happens if you (whisper) poop on the delivery table from pushing so hard? She would say, "You usually don't, but if they do, they just clean it up."

Yes, it has occurred to me that she may have been painting the whole situation a little rosier than is strictly accurate. I'll let you guys know how that all pans out in real life. But I still feel that when it comes to fear in life, less has to be more. Right?

My unborn child was conceived on November 28th, 2008. TMI? What are you going to do about it now, you prude?

This has been a pleasant diversion from reading for Tax Law. I hope you also enjoyed it more than you enjoy Tax Law. (I like to set the bar low. That way, no one is disappointed.)

And now for a gratuitous, endearing babydaddy shot.